Thoughtful Thursday-Our Story

 

Our story starts much like your own I'm sure.  Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married.  

Like many newlywed couples we looked forward to our future with stars in our eyes.  We had a plan.  We would work and go to college, buy a house, and in 2 years start a family.  

And that is just what we did.  We moved to a new city, bought a house, enrolled in college and found full-time jobs.  And as our 2 year anniversary came nearer, our dreams of a little baby became real.  We talked about having a boy versus a girl, we talked about baby names, we even planned out the baby's nursery in our new home.  We were ready.

We decided it was time and after the first month of trying we waited anxiously for the results...they were negative.  Month 2..negative, month 3...negative....until month 10 and still no pregnancy.  We started to wonder if something was wrong, this was not a part of the plan, this is not how it was supposed to be.

Eventually we started seeking medical help.  We thought that was the answer.   One Year...negative, a year and a half...negative.  And then we hit the two year mark of trying to get pregnant and decided we needed a break.  The waiting and wondering every month was taking its toll.  Why couldn't we get pregnant when all our friends could?  Why could people that didn't want a baby get pregnant when we wanted one so badly?

And then it happened.  I was pregnant!  The break had worked and we were so excited that all the waiting was over.

At week 8 I started to bleed and I knew it was bad.  As we headed for the doctors office I knew we had lost the baby.  The baby we had waited and prayed for for 2 years.  The doctor confirmed my worst fears..a miscarriage.

I became bitter and mad.  Why did God allow me to even get pregnant if he was going to just take it all away?  Was my dream of becoming a mother over?

Needless to say those were some dark days.  But looking back, something that could have torn us apart became our biggest strength.  We clung together for strength and for understanding.  We asked God for help and support and slowly the blackness lifted.  

And a new resolve to have a baby came along with it.  We took the miscarriage as a sign that a pregnancy COULD HAPPEN and we were determined to make it happen again.

We started seeing specialists that were 3 1/2 hours away from our home.  We spent so many days driving back and forth for tests, procedures, and meetings about what to do next.  But that was ok, because we were doing this together, hand in hand, with our faith in God.

Finally the doctor told us we had one last shot and it was IVF(Invitro Fertilization).  For those who don't know, this is a very time consuming, very expensive procedure and it is not guaranteed.  It involves needles and hormone crazying medicines and surgery-like procedures.  Almost without skipping a beat we knew we had to do it.  We had to take this last shot, we were now 4 years in trying to conceive.

The months of shots and hormones and prep were tiresome, but our faith fueled us forward.  All the stats were against us.  Our number of eggs were low, our embryo quality was less than ideal and none of our embryos could be frozen for future use.

As the day of my pregnancy test approached my anxiety increased.  I knew with the toll on my body and the cost, that another round might be a long way out.

The day after Mother's Day was the day set for my pregnancy test.  A little ironic, but I was hoping it was a good sign.  We drove to the hospital and I gave blood.  We then waited for a phone call with the results.  My mind was racing..this was huge, I didn't know what options we even had after this.

The phone rang and I shakily answered.  

I was pregnant!  And my levels were excellent, they said something about a "strong pregnancy", but I was shaking so hard I could hardly understand what they were saying.

The next 9 months were like walking on egg shells.  It was hard to get overly excited, it almost seemed to good to be true and we didn't want to get our hopes up until the baby was safe and sound in our arms.  We had experienced that heartbreak once before.

January 10, 2008 our little miracle man was born.

And seeing his perfect little face made all the pain of the last 4 years wash away.  I knew God had a bigger plan for us.  A more perfect plan for us than we could have ever planned ourselves.  

Those 4 years brought, along with the heartbreak, so many things. Looking back I would never CHANGE and may have never BECOME who I am today without this trial.  My husband and I learned to conquer trials together, we learned that "we can do hard things."  I learned to look at others trials with more empathy and to be more understanding.  I KNOW I am a better mother today because of the things I went through.  I pray every night to never forget those feelings of wanting to be a mother so badly, especially on those hard mothering days.

I am thankful for my story, what's yours?  

Below is a great song by Hilary Weeks called "Beautiful Heartbreak", it's amazing, and is a good reminder of the human will to survive and become better in our trials.  Enjoy!